The Worst Commercial I've Ever Seen

In my previous post, I wrote about Paul Haggis' Oscar winning movie, Crash. I said it was a much better movie than it gets credit for. It gets a lot of criticism for having scenes that try too hard to make the audience feel emotions, to the point where the film treads in melodrama. While I do agree that Crash had melodramatic scenes, it was still a well made movie that - for the most part - told several interweaving stories in a way that felt natural.

In relation to this, I thought it would be appropriate if I made a post about an overly preachy movie. Then I thought about it further: Why not make a post about an overly preachy commercial instead? I know this blog is aimed towards movies, but commercials are still short movies. A lot of commercials have characters and storylines in them, including the commercial I'm referring to.

Serious subject matter works better in movies because there's more time to develop the characters and make a story that feels believable. The problem with commercials is the short running time they have. You rarely see a commercial that's longer than two minutes, and even that's too short. In a short space of time, you can't tell a long story or have several characters, or have a commercial that spans a long time frame.

These are the problems which plague the commercial I'm about to show you. I haven't seen every single commercial in the world, and I can't see the future, which is why I don't think this as the worst commercial of all time.

I hate it when people use the term "Of All Time" because it's ignorant. For example, the term "Greatest Movie Of All Time" disregards any movies that will get made in the future, and it also disregards movies from the past that you haven't even seen yet. I prefer to use the phrase "Greatest Movie Ever Made" because it's setting itself in high regard compared to movies that have actually been made, but it doesn't state that it'll be permanent, because in the future there could be a movie which is better than what you originally considered as "The Greatest Movie Ever Made."

But I digress. This commercial is so badly made, that I feel guilty publicizing it to whoever reads this. Still, I just had to talk about this.

This is the commercial.

NOTE: I know this is a serious commercial about real-world issues. I appreciate the message, but the commercial is poorly executed, for so many reasons.

The video says it's 1 minute and 12 seconds long, but if you disregard the goofy opening and closing, it's only a minute long.

The Girl tragically loses her boyfriend and the ability to walk. She will be disabled and traumatized for the rest of her life.
*few seconds later*
BEH-DO-BA!

I know you've already seen the commercial, but I need to summarize it beat-by-beat. You see that massive paragraph below this one? It details every single thing that happens in the commercial.

It starts off with a happy couple. The Girl is sitting on top of the brick wall while The Boy is standing on the ground. They chuckle, they hug, they smile. She looks at him intimately. Cars crash. One of the cars slides on the ground, crushes The Boy's body and The Girl's legs. Some disgusting fluid bursts out of his mouth. She screams in panic. In another car, The Bloody-Faced Kid is unconscious, while The Bloody-Faced Kid's Mother screams in shock. The Witness Girl is standing from the side, witnessing the sudden horror that just occurred. The Witness Girl's Mother carries her and turns her back, stopping her from looking further. The Old Man has also witnessed the horror. Paramedics are all over the scene, while The Car Crasher is standing midst the chaos surrounding him. He's escorted off the scene, and looks horrified as The Boy is unconscious and a dead body is being covered with a white blanket. The Girl is still screaming. As she screams, it cuts to her lying unconscious in a hospital, with Surgeons operating on her. A Surgeon pulls a blanket off a corpse, revealing that it's The Boy. The Boy's parents are in shock. The Girl's parents witness their daughter on life support, feeling sorry for her. Then it dissolves to her in a courtroom, witnessing The Car Crasher from a distance. The Judge states that he was driving too fast. Then it cuts to a flashback of him driving his car through the road, accelerating. He sees The Dog on the road, which makes him swerve his car. His car collides with the car right next to it, which makes it fly in the air and roll on the ground quickly. Then it cuts to The Girl, who's sitting in a wheelchair, in a graveyard. She looks at The Boy's gravestone. Then we get a wide shot, and a caption/voice-over which says "The Faster The Speed, The Bigger The Mess." The End.

All of those plot points occur in one minute. With all of these plot points, you could easily tell this story in 40 minutes, or even longer than that. You have The Girl, The Boy, The Car Crasher, The Bloody-Faced Kid, The Bloody-Faced Kid's Mother, The Witness Girl, The Witness Girl's Mother, The Old Man, The Paramedics, The Surgeons, The Boy's Mother, The Boy's Father, The Girl's Mother, The Girl's Father, The Judge, and The Dog. There are way too many characters. This commercial is only one minute long, so the difference in screen-time isn't relevant. The Girl is the central character, but the screen-time she gets isn't that different compared to every other character.

The filmmakers had this mentality that "If we made the commercial as sad and traumatic as possible, then it will be more effective." No. That doesn't work at all. If anything, it means the commercial will be excessive and melodramatic, which makes it unnatural. To feel emotions, I have to believe in this scenario. Scenarios like this do happen in real life, but most of them are nowhere near as excessive and melodramatic as this. The filmmakers tried to do so much with so little time, that everything feels incredibly rushed.

Those problems alone make this a terrible commercial, but it doesn't stop there. There are so many other criticisms that make this commercial the worst I've ever seen. Like the horse-rider at the beginning of the commercial. He's only there to make this look more like a fairy-tale couple. Another issue I have with this advert is the character's appearances. The Boy is attractive, yet The Car Crasher isn't. This is obviously intentional, so that people can weep over the death of a good looking boy, who died from the hands of a reckless, unattractive man.

I'm just bland car fodder for all you girls to cry about.

I like feeding my car with bland car fodder.

And then there's the car physics...the ridiculous car physics. Do I really need explain why they're bad? And the part where fluids burst out of The Boy's mouth from the car's impact. I don't care if that's what really happens in car crashes, it looks ridiculous. The car physics combined with the ridiculous fluids make this look like a Final Destination death scene.

Final Destination: The Oscar Bait Sequel

"The Faster The Speed, The Bigger The Mess." I'm not one of those immature people who always say "That's what she said," when someone says something that could be interpreted as a sexual innuendo. However, this slogan sounds like a joke. It's as if the person who wrote this slogan knew this commercial was a piece of shit, so they made a slogan to take the piss. The producers read the slogan, not realizing that it was a joke, and they added it to the commercial.

I know it's a traumatic experience, being involved in a car crash. Whether you're witnessing a car crash from afar or being the victim/driver, it will scar you for life. Both mentally and physically (unless you're just a witness, then just mentally). Like any other movie with a serious message, I appreciate what the filmmakers tried to accomplish. However, it's really poorly executed. If this commercial actually affected you, to the point where you always drive safely, then great. The commercial worked for you, and it saved lives. That's fantastic, it really is. However, there are so many other TV commercials and short films about car crashes which are emotional without trying so hard to be emotional.

Like this one. It's so much better for so many reasons. It's not a TV commercial, but rather a short film. It's directed by Luc Besson, who I'm a huge fan of. It's three minutes long, which is a suitable length for a film about car crashes. The length gives the short film the opportunity to set up the situation, have the situation play out, then conclude it with the message. It shows statistics, which always affect audiences. There are so many factors to how statistics work, but they do work on audiences. Another reason why it works so well is that it shows other cultures. It shows diversity and contrast, and gives the audience a better idea on what life is like in these countries. There isn't any screaming or crying to make the audience feel something, and there isn't a stupid song either. The song in this short film starts off as upbeat, which matches the active tone of the opening. Then it transitions to a suspenseful track, which makes you anticipate the car crash that happens. Once the car crash does happen, a sad song plays in the background. It show real footage of car crashes too, which adds to the tragedy of it. The short film doesn't have a voice-over, nor does it have a stupid slogan at the end of it. It's naturalistic, effective, and gets the message across without trying so hard to touch you on an emotional level.

So what do you think? Do you agree or disagree, and why? Did you like the commercial, and why? And what do you think is the best video/commercial about car crashes? Let me know in the comments section.